This is my personal experience in last academic year.
I was a new member of a new committee in an organization. In the first committee meeting, I was quite surprised that all other members are from India. At first I was feeling very uncomfortable because it was the first time I find myself to engage in such a situation - meeting with strangers from very distinct cultural background. But I had managed to convince myself to relax and go with the flow.
During the meeting, all of them were involved actively in the discussion and tend to speak very fast. They seemed aggressive and would not hesitate to voice up their opinions and ask questions. Being in such an unusual situation, I started worrying about their viewpoints on me. Are they going to think that I am not contributing to the discussion if I keep quiet? How should I interrupt so that I can voice up my idea to them?
As the meeting went on, I started getting use to the atmosphere and ready to contribute to their discussion. But then, when I was talking about my opinions, the chairperson of the meeting would only glance at me and then quickly turned away to continue with other things with the rest of the members without waiting me to finish my words. As this went on and repeating many times, I became very disappointed and even started thinking about quitting the committee. To me, it is very embarrassing to encounter such a situation and very rude for someone to do that. However, I managed to not to show my disappointment and anger to them and then waited for the meeting to end.
This is a very unforgettable event because I have never experienced so much disrespect in my life before. Nonetheless, I also learnt from this incident that it is very important to be mentally prepared for this globalized world and its cultural diversity.
Hi See Hon,
ReplyDeleteI agree with you that it is very rude to ignore someone’s opinion during a discussion. I could not figure out the reason why they did not take your suggestions into account. I would like to know is it because of a wide age gap between you and all other members? This is because a similar situation happened to one of my friends recently. She is taking an Advanced Diploma and she has to retain in the same project group for the whole 9-month duration of her studies. Her group consist of 7 people including her; all the other members are in their 30s and 40s, and she is the only one in the 20s. Every time during their project discussion, the other group members will not consider her ideas. This could be because their thinking is different due to the age gap. Hence, they think that that her words do not carry much weight, in addition to her gentle voice. After a few attempts, my friend decided to keep quiet most of the time during the discussion since they pay no attention to her views.
If your situation happens to me, I will not ask them why they treated me this way as they disrespect me in the first place. If this is a project work, I will simply keep quiet during the discussion since my contribution is not being appreciated and hope that the project will come to an end quickly. If this is an organisation, most probably I will quit since I am not happy in that committee and they do not need my presence anyway. If it is impossible for me to leave, I will basically remain silent during the meetings.
Hi See Hon. I guess in such a situation, where someone shows disrespect to you, I guess you may not be able to change his or her attitude towards you. Instead, you should just do your part by delivering what you ought to say. I believe this would not go against your conscience.
ReplyDeleteI notice in the third paragraph, you had asked yourself how to get your viewpoints across to the whole group. I think it is a good practice of you to think carefully before saying anything. This is also a good skill in intercultural communication, in my opinion.
Your story really flows here and is quite smooth for me to read.
ReplyDeleteIf Masamune was to view this post, he would definitely be very pleased. I predict that he would most probably say that your english and grammar have improved tremendously.
I agree with you that in a globalized and open world, we should be prepared for some sorts of challenges. Challenges can be presented in numerous different forms such as intercultural communication or even the ability to eat the humble pie in situations such as the above.
Even though you may feel offended and was indeed treated shabbily by them, I feel that it was to your advantage that you were actually aware of it in the first place. This is because it is very clear and obvious from the start that what type of people you are interacting and dealing with. It would be worse that if they were all smiles in front of you, but they stabbed you at the back. Thus, you could actually take precautions against them should the need arises.
As you mentioned in the first line, this is your "personal experience in last academic year ". It is very recent and emotions must be still very raw. You are most probably hurting a little on the inside. Nevertheless, I am glad you picked up an important lesson and moved on with your life.
Cheers! :)
It can be very difficult when you are the odd one out in this situation and do not know how to react. Although I understand how upsetting that can be, I was just wondering why you did not say something to the chairman and ask why he was disrespecting you. He might not have been doing it on purpose and you could have worked it out as opposed to still being upset to this day. This is just what I think. I suppose everyone has been through something similar in their life. You did the right thing and got over it. A lot of people would tell you to remain silent, but not me. I would say let them know that they should be considerate to your feeling in that way.
ReplyDeleteThis is a case of organizational culture. Entering a committee that has already been formed requires greater adaptability on the part of the new comer. With the issue of culture, it is important that we learn to accept what is practiced and to follow suit. Going against the grain could cause tension within the group and position the protagonist as an outsider.
ReplyDeleteThat said, I can still imagine how hard it may have been for you. Please do not allow this experience to hinder you from stepping into a committe the next time around.
Interesting comments.. there's a whole range from the personal to the seemingly impersonal. In my opinion, discrimination and prejudice can be due to many reasons, but none of these matter. Prejudice is deeply-rooted in irrational fears in the first place so there's no need to explain the irrational.
ReplyDeleteFrom what I know about Indians, they are quite a diverse lot like us. Some are quiet and passive, others are aggressive likes the ones you've encountered. To classify it as an intercultural issue is true from what I see as prejudiced and aggressive people are abound in all nations and cultures. I would rather see this as racial discrimination instead.
And yes, as what Meng Wee has said, you should just play your part as a dutiful member.I also agreed with Anh Tang that you ought to hold your fort and not allow the chairperson to put you down in this way. I don't advocate exactly the "an eye of an eye" approach by countering aggression with aggression, but it is your rights as a member to voice out your opinions and to be made to feel as equal to the others. Maybe you could start by signalling for your turn to speak. If the chairperson ignores you, signal again with more assertiveness but still remain cordial. Keep doing this until they can't ignore you any longer. Take a leaf from Gandhi's book in non-violent assertion and persistence in affirming your worth and importance and teach them a lesson in the irony of their ignorance of their great leader's ways.
It may just be a different way of doing things. You say there was conflict and aggression amongst the participants and it sounds as if the Chairman was ineffectual so I suppose the situation demanded that you be as forceful as the others. The Chair may even have been partisan so ignore contrary views if he could get away with it.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, it doesn't seem as if it was the standard rule-bound meeting but óperated by the 'law of the jungle.'' I daresay if you regularly attended the meeting and persisted in getting your view considered that eventually they would include you.
Mrs Richardson